The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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