we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
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