I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
