she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
