It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Randomize
