Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize
