So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize