yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
