"it" just moved
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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