They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
