He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
