i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
