I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
