Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
