Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Randomize
