I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Someone came in the potted fern
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
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