A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
