you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
