so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
