you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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