I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
