I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
