I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
