I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
