My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
There's always time for handjobs
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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