I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
