we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
