i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I think I sprained my soul last night
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
