I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
