I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
