i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
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