If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
