hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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