Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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