May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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