highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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