yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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