Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
