He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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