If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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