I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
