do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
