i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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