He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
