One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I love you. Go after that dick
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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