Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
