my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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