I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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