She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
