Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
