I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize
