dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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