Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
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