Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
