Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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