He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
