dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Randomize
