A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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