Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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