he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Randomize
