i need an iv and a liver transplant
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize