ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
did i walk over a car last night?
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
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