I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
