so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Randomize
