6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
